Wounded Healer: On Becoming A Therapist & Steps Toward Your Own Healing

Recently, I was asked to guest blog for some colleagues who have a blog for therapists on Psych Central.  It was an honor and led me to write an article on the Therapist as Healer.  It also led me to consider my own path as a therapist where I write about the importance of our own healing work…

There was a time when I thought I needed to makes things happen; that if I didn’t push for it then it wouldn’t happen.  I wore a badge of honor that “I get s*%t done!”  If I didn’t like a job I’d propose a new position that I could create, fill, and develop along the way.  In some ways this was a strength.  I can be a leader of sorts, but over time this trait had some drawbacks too, because I often Iacked acceptance before I hastily strived to change it.  It’s like swimming upstream; moving against the forces of nature, and it can wreak havoc for one’s health!  In the process of making such strides in my career to fill roles I truly longed for I became ill. How did this happen?  Easy.  I was chasing my successful future but running from my past which creates chronic stress.  Of course I wasn’t doing this consciously.  

As a therapist I thought I had been there, done that.  I had therapists off and on for years to help me cope with being the only child of young parents who dealt with their own trauma, mental illness, and alcoholism. My first therapist was in junior high for a single visit which I detested.  Then a few trips upon graduating high school.  I gave the college counselor a shot later and then a different therapist when my parents divorced.  I finally connected for longer treatment when I finished college and continued therapy throughout graduate school.  I  was determined to feel more comfortable in my own skin but eventually lost hope in the process and turned to physicians for answers.  I thought I might feel better if I just ate better, balanced my hormones, and detoxed completely.  I’d do anything to just feel better, but after letting go of gluten, dairy, eggs, alcohol, fast food, and more I still ended up sick learning I had an autoimmune disease.   I spent over a year going to doctors visits, pharmacies, physical therapy and massage therapy getting tests, labs, supplements, and holistic treatments I’d never heard of.  I was terrified and wanting to take care of myself but still didn’t know how to stop pushing myself or approach life differently.  I had always been a hustler and this was just one more thing I wanted to ‘fix.’

It wasn’t until I stopped pushing and embraced the reality that my way of being in the world had somewhat contributed to dis-ease that I could begin to heal.  My emotional baggage was fueling a need to control my environment and while I understood this cognitively I had not integrated it emotionally.   It took me admitting that I needed help AGAIN to move past the blocks.  Fortunately I was ready this time to go deeper and get real about the feelings I’d buried along with the toll it was taking on my health.  For this I could not depend on a therapist who would resort to the usual coping strategies.  I needed someone I could trust to take me to my darkest spots in order to shine light on such forgotten areas and allow new meaning of old pain.  This is something I could not have done alone.  We are relational creatures and meant to be in relation, to have others help us regulate difficult emotions, and help us see we can handle each feeling that arises despite the fear of moving through enormous discomfort. When our environment does not support this we often learn to hide such unpleasant experiences.  Unfortunately true joy is also buried this way.

Having traveled my own journey in finding acceptance, joy, and gratitude I offer genuine empathy and compassion to my clients.  No longer defended against my own pain from the past I serve as an empty vessel to fully feel my clients.   Using such information to guide me, we are able to unveil tender wounds that help my clients bravely shine light on such areas in order to integrate the past with the present for a brighter future.   No longer hidden, such injuries lose their power and free clients to release negative emotional charges which fuel self limiting thoughts and behaviors.  We do this with words, paint, clay, symbols, objects, poetry, nature, letters, altered books, music, and more.  Each client has her own language and journey. Together we discover both.  I am there as both a guide and a follower ready to go wherever I am needed.   It is my honor to witness such transformations.So how can you begin this process?

1. Start by allowing yourself to feel.

2. Sit with the feeling with focus on your breath as not all feelings are ones we prefer!

3.Reach out for support even when you want to hide.

As stated earlier, we are relational creatures meant to be in relation.  When we experience overwhelming emotion our natural tendency is to connect in order to mitigate the suffering unless there has been a rupture in the ability to trust.  In which case the natural tendency to reach out becomes thwarted.  When the social engagement system doesn’t work for us we resort to fight or flight (often seen as anxiety, compulsivity, etc.).  When that fails, we freeze (aka depression, apathy, lethargy).  This is just the way our autonomic nervous system works.  If you are struggling to find the support you need or are ready to shine the light on those areas holding you back, I am here.  I’d love to hear where you are thriving and where you could use some help.  Leave me a comment, shoot me an email, or give me a call. That’s what I’m here for!